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In a dark room lit only by red candles, Wojak sits alone. His portfolio is -97%. His girl left. His dog left. Even his emotional support pepe left. He opens pump.fun one last time, creates a coin called $COPE, and whispers: “This is it. This is the one that saves me.” It won’t. But for the next 47 minutes, we all pretend it will. $COPE is the official currency of terminal cope, post-nut clarity, and people who still say “it’s just a healthy correction” at -89%.